Bomber, Baby
by Novelist Pup
Summary: [AU] And the terrorist claimed, 'Art is a BANG' while Sasori said 'Not', and almost got shot. [DeiSaso]


**Bomber, Baby**

Now, let it be said that I've never written this pairing before, and I've never seriously tried to get their characterizations right before. So, I'd appreciate it if you took this into consideration as you preplan how you're going to brutally attempt to lower my self esteem and flame me with REAL FIRE.

I be scured, yo.

Lol, LIME warning. In which, it took me several days to write it because I was feeling sick every time I wrote it. I _hate_ writing sex scenes, guys. Please understand that, if you think it's bad.

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto not.**

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"—_today an attempted bombing occurred at the City Hall. No one was severely injured, and the building is mainly in tact. The terrorist was seen briefly escaping by the back fire exit. He is described to be Caucasian, about the age of nineteen, with long blond hair and was last seen wearing a black hooded jacket and blue jeans. It is suspected that this may be the very terrorist associated with the last eight bombings scattered around the city. If you sight this man, please call the police at—_"

Sasori clicked the remote, watching the television flash blank. A tall teenager stood in front of the television, turning around in indignation.

"Mister Sasori, I was watching that!" he whined.

Sasori smiled deceptively. "I can't have you getting all worked up, Naruto. You may go out and get yourself blown up because of your foolishly brave disposition. Now, are you done cleaning?"

Naruto sighed. "No, sir, I'm not."

"Then why in the world are you watching television? I can't give you a paycheck if you don't deserve it!" Sasori goaded. Naruto smiled brightly and flipped out a false salute in the man's direction. Sasori chuckled and hunched over to repair a doll that was previously ignored.

Sasori's shop, _Puppeteer_, was an establishment that sold and repaired dolls, toys, and puppets. With only one employee, working halftime, the shop was surprisingly popular. Since it was the only shop of its kind, it was destined that it received good business. Sasori's frightening appearance didn't shy the business away as much as it should've as well. His large, humped frame with three stripes of hair and beady black eyes with his large stretching mouth that was often covered by a black bandana caused much agreement in the otherwise arguing citizens of the large city, Leaf.

Unfortunately, the agreement was that he made Uncle Fester look attractive in comparison. Even Naruto was forced to agree at times.

But now, Naruto could agree on nothing as a familiar visitor to the shop entered through the doors with an audible jingle.

"Officer Sakura, beauty itself is _dull_ in comparison to you!" Naruto gushed, throwing the broom to the side and falling on his knees in front of the pink-haired police officer.

Sakura smiled sweetly. "You're such a sweetheart, Naruto,"

Naruto stared up at her much like a puppy would. "Does that mean you'll consider dating me now?!"

"Naruto, I told you that you're too young for my tastes. You're seventeen, I'm twenty-two, it isn't meant to be," Sakura replied humorously. Naruto gasped in shock.

"B-but, it's only a five year difference! We can make it work, I promise!" he exclaimed, holding his arms out dramatically. Sakura chuckled and patted his head in response. Then she turned to the shop owner that was still repairing a doll.

"Mister Akasuna," she began, but was immediately cut off.

"Please, call me Sasori," the grotesque man interrupted. Sakura sighed.

"Sasori, you and I both know what I'm here for," she said.

Sasori smiled misleadingly. "Why, I haven't the slightest idea towards why the youngest woman in the police force has dared to grace me with her presence."

Sakura stepped up to the counter and placed her hand on the counter. "I'm pretty sure that you've seen the news reports concerning the terrorist bomber that is currently still on the move, right?"

"And let's say that I _have_. Then what will this meeting be about?" Sasori replied. Sakura stared into his eyes.

"Sasori, it is already known that you used to house criminals on the run in this very shop," she stated. Sasori chuckled and held up a large deformed and clawed hand.

"Ha, you got me there, but hold on," he looked behind Sakura at the closely eavesdropping blond, "Naruto, shouldn't you be cleaning?"

Naruto jumped in surprise and grabbed the broom. "Y-yes sir, I am!"

Sasori laughed. "Oh what I would do to be young again," he said wistfully.

Sakura glared at him. "Sasori, obviously you do not understand the severity of what is going on and what you are being accused of right now,"

"Oh, I understand _completely_. I also understand that I told the police officers who invested me last time that I didn't _know_ he was a criminal. Itachi failed to explain that to me, you must see." Sasori explained. Sakura cocked an eyebrow.

"It was all over the news, Sasori. There was no way possible you couldn't have seen the reports that all claimed Itachi Uchiha to be a murderer." Sakura replied incredulously.

Sasori leaned closer to Sakura. "I didn't buy a television until Naruto came to work for me, since I wanted him to have some source of entertainment while he worked. And if you check his application, it clearly states that he applied on June the fifth, exactly one week _after_ Itachi was arrested."

Sakura sighed exasperatedly. "Look, I'll get to the point then,"

"Finally," Sasori teased. Sakura glared at him.

"Are you in any way affiliated with the terrorist?" she asked sharply.

Sasori smiled. "No."

"Then my work here is done, thank you Sasori for your cooperation." Sakura said, nodding her head once. Sasori waved a hand.

"Anytime, Officer Haruno! By the way, the weather is looking rather wet, so you may want to take an umbrella," he called after her, motioning towards the basket that held many misplaced or abandoned umbrellas. Sakura shook her head and opened the door.

"I'll be fine. Good bye, Sasori. Good bye, Naruto."

"Good bye, my love!" Naruto shouted after her. He then sighed and grabbed his broom again.

"Mister Sasori, can I go on break now?" Naruto asked, making his eyes wider as if to induce pity. Sasori nodded.

"Of course, Naruto. I'm sure that I can handle the shop a little longer." Sasori answered. Naruto grinned brightly and took off his apron, hanging it on the coat hanger by the door.

"I'll be back at some point!" he yelled as he ran outside with an umbrella. The man just smiled and continued working on the doll, easily falling into the silence that didn't accompany his young employee. As he worked on retuning the joints in the doll's legs for about thirty minutes, the door opened again with a jingle. The sound of rain was audible as the person walked inside slowly, the door closing at their pace.

"Back already, Naruto?" Sasori asked as he didn't look up from his project. There was no answer as the sound of wet sneakers squeaked across the newly cleaned linoleum floor.

Sasori looked up. "May I help you?" he asked.

The person said nothing, just standing in a slightly slouched position, looking at the many well-detailed puppets that hung from the ceiling in display. Sasori could only assume the person was male, with no real evidence as well. The patron was tall, seemingly slender and wore a black soaked hooded jacket with tight blue jeans that had a small rectangular lump in one pocket and the long blond hair of the person was dripping wet.

"May I help you?" Sasori repeated. The patron snapped out of a trance and turned towards him. One single blue eye looked at him, the other hidden under a single long bang of hair. They were highly attractive, in the least.

"Yeah," the person said; the voice deep and most definitely male. "These are pretty good. Who made 'em, yeah?"

"I did," Sasori answered, still staring at the odd man in his shop.

The man snorted. "Why make puppets?"

Sasori smiled in a vaguely creepy way. "Because, that way my art lasts forever until broken, but then it can easily be fixed." The man looked contemplative before flicking a finger at the puppets, watching them sway.

"That makes no sense. Art isn't meant to last forever. It's meant to be perfect fleetingly, and then be gone, yeah," he retorted. Sasori rose to attention at the reply.

"Oh? And what makes you think of art in this way?" he asked.

"Because art is meant to reflect the human persona itself, yeah."

"And you're saying that the human persona is to be gone once it loses its use?"

A cruel smile stretched across the man's rosy face. "Exactly, yeah."

Sasori leaned against one hand. "Interesting theory," he replied in a mocking tone. The man whipped his head towards him and glared with the one eye that was seen.

"Is yours better?"

"It varies. According to you, my theory could be wrong. I believe that art is used to reflect humanity's wish, its greatest desire," Sasori stated. "Eternal life; to forever be perfect."

The man rolled his eye. "What a stupid theory, yeah."

Sasori waved a hand in boredom. "And what an idiotic way of looking at things so deep. How old are you?"

The man narrowed an eye. "Nineteen, what's that to you?"

"Nothing, just an expected state of mind from someone so young,"

"Are you calling me foolish, yeah?"

"No, I'm calling your ideals and theory idiotic and childish. In fact, if you are an artist, I'd say give up because there is no way you are going to get out in the world with _that_ kind of attitude towards your work."

The man looked like he wanted to strangle Sasori, but settled on taking a big breath and attempting to calm himself down while failing.

"How old are _you_, o wise one, yeah?" he asked. Sasori tapped a clawed finger on his chin in contemplation.

"Forty-eight."

"Forty_-eight_?"

"That is what I said."

The nineteen-year-old ran his fingers through his hair and whistled lowly. "Wow, I thought you were like, ninety or eighty or something. You should try taking better care of yourself, yeah,"

Sasori smirked. "You think so?"

"Yeah, you're not lookin' too good for your age."

"Funny, that not what most people say,"

The man just shook his head. He walked up to the counter and held out his hand. "The name's Deidara."

Sasori blinked slowly. "I see. I suppose you want to know my name as well, correct?"

Deidara shrugged. "It would be nice, yeah, considering how I gave you mine."

"Well, just call me _Akasuna_."

Deidara blinked. "A-ka-su-na… Cool, yeah," he said, rolling the name on his tongue. Sasori nodded once.

"So, you make puppets, yeah?" Deidara asked coming closer to the counter.

Sasori waved a hand towards the area in which the puppets hung ominously. "I believe we've already covered this."

Deidara took a deep breath. "Okay, let me try something else then. How long have you had this place?" he asked, running a finger along the countertop. Sasori looked less suspicious than he honestly felt.

"I know. I _did_ work hard on making it to what it is today," he replied.

Deidara smirked, his hair hiding one half of his cruel lips. "Now I'm going to feel bad."

"And why is that?" Although, Sasori had a fairly accurate thought of what the tall blond might've been thinking about.

"I hate to waste hard work, yeah."

"Then don't."

Deidara ran his fingers through his hair again. "It's too late. The wheels of fate have already been set in motion, yeah," he said, grinning with his eye closed.

Sasori raised his head a bit higher. "What do you mean?"

"I mean my art."

"Your…_art_?"

"Yep,"

"This must be related to your sad excuse of a theory for art," Sasori concluded.

Deidara was obviously inclined to agree, as he reached into the large front pocket of his jacket and pulled out a .45 pistol, and held it unwaveringly directed towards Sasori.

"Ha, well then, here's a better theory, _Akasuna,_" he cocked the gun. "Art is a _bang_!"

And he let off several shots towards Sasori's body. While the puppeteer was still recovering from the shock, Deidara grabbed the countertop and leaped onto it, quickly sweeping his leg across Sasori's face and kicking it. Deidara slid off the counter and held the gun over the man on the ground.

"Wow brat. You shot me." Sasori stated in a agitated tone of voice. Deidara watched in shock as the face he kicked slid off the torso and rolled on the ground, coming to a stop at his feet. Sasori rose up shakily from the ground and began to detach. Soon enough, the entourage of Sasori's basic body had fallen onto the ground, leaving a young red-haired man in the middle. The young man smirked, narrowing almond-shaped brown eyes at the nineteen-year-old. He slowly moved his arms, which had three bullet holes that were completely through the long sleeves of the red shirt and the flesh and was even see-through.

Deidara felt his breath stop. "Akasuna? You're still alive?"

The young man smiled. "Indeed, you brat. And _you_ are a terrorist," he replied. Deidara stepped back and laughed, his eye staring straight at the man on the ground.

"Took you long enough, yeah!" he cackled. Sasori smiled back, his eyes drooping as a sign of fatigue.

"Actually, I knew it all along. You'd be surprised on how accurate the news reports are," he replied. Deidara smirked and pointed the gun at Sasori's throat.

"Oh, believe me, I _know_, yeah. Right, Sasori of Akasuna?" the teenager purred, stepping closer to the shorter man. Sasori's eyes widened and then a lazy smile came onto his face.

"Just had to see me to find out, hm?" he asked.

Deidara laughed again. "Yeah, I was almost surprised to see that I shot _the_ Sasori of Akasuna. Attempted homicide about eleven years ago, right? Killed the governor of Sand, his wife, his brother-in-law and attempted murder of the youngest son, Gaara, yeah?"

Sasori raised a hand and brushed it against the barrel of the gun at his neck. "You seem to be pretty well informed, Deidara. May I ask why?"

"You disappeared immediately after the murder, yeah. It was a fuckin' _controversy_! Everything was in complete shambles, yeah! In fact, it was _you_ that made me into what I am today. You were my idol, yeah." Deidara said, bringing his face closer to the other man's.

Sasori snorted. "I'm the idol of a terrorist and a _bad_ one at that? I'm so honored." The gun pressed harder onto his throat, making his breath hitch as the teenager moved even closer. Sasori took one step back, and then another and another until his back hit the wall. Deidara grinned, his eye gleaming lewdly.

"Nowhere to run, yeah?"

And Sasori grabbed the gun barrel, pressing his lips over it lightly.

"Who said I was running, brat?"

Sasori could never say he was a romantic. He preferred to just get it on and get it over with. Fortunately, Deidara seemed to be the same way.

One hand ran up his shirt slowly while the other held the pistol to his head, finger resting on the trigger haphazardly. Sasori felt himself smirk as Deidara ran his fingers over his arm.

"Prosthetic arms, yeah?" Deidara ran his tongue slowly over Sasori's neck. "You're making this kinkier than it needs to be,"

Sasori cracked a laugh. "Says the boy with the gun held to my hand."

The teenager pressed his hips onto Sasori's tightly.

"If you feel that, then you _know_ I'm no boy." Deidara hissed into his ear. Sasori sucked in a quick breath as he felt the other male unbutton his pants and pulled them down to his knees.

"I'm about to get fucked by a terrorist I don't even know… great." Sasori muttered as Deidara bit at his neck in an erotic manner. The blond smirked.

"At least you aren't calling this rape, yeah." And he gripped Sasori's hip with one hand.

Deidara grinned as he ran his thumb lightly over the skin he held and cocked the gun. "I wonder how it got to this," he wondered aloud. Sasori chocked back a moan as he felt his head hit the wall and he began to breathe in and out rapidly.

"Me too," he rasped.

Deidara continued. "I came here because I planted several bombs among your shop, and I wanted to see who I was offing before I was done, and I saw you without your ugly mask, and now I'm about to fuck you over your very counter, yeah."

Sasori breathed even quicker. "Why the counter?" he growled. Deidara ignored him and reached his free hand down to unbuckle his own belt.

"You're forty-eight, yeah?" he asked as he struggled to get his jeans unbuttoned with one hand. Sasori made no move to help him; just looked at him with an unholy smug expression for someone about to be fucked over a counter with a loaded gun to his head.

"Wow, before you looked fuck-ugly, but now I just can't believe you're over the age of twenty, yeah," Deidara murmured, finally getting his pants unbuckled.

"Quiet brat, you're only adding more things to my list of fucked up things in this situation," Sasori moaned. The teenager cackled and directed Sasori towards the counter.

"Can't believe you're about to be fucked by a brat twenty-nine years your junior, yeah?" he jeered in Sasori's ear. There was no response as the red-haired man was pushed on top of the counter. Deidara grinned as he positioned himself between the older man's legs, holding the gun under his chin.

"Man, I _wish_ I could find out your secrets to eternal youth before you die, yeah," he muttered before forcefully entering Sasori.

Deidara, Sasori noted, moved much like a drum. Except, his rhythm was sporadic and he had a fast tempo to start off with. Sasori smirked as Deidara buried his nose in the expanse of his neck, and he reached around to run his fingers along Deidara's back, and reached the back pockets of the denim. Slipping his fingers inside the pocket unnoticeably as Deidara continued to move in his fast pace, Sasori deftly picked out a small cell phone with slender fingers, making a long guttural moan in the process to make sure that Deidara wasn't suspicious.

Sasori quickly dialed 911, holding the phone close to the two without the man on top of him noticing. He groaned as Deidara somehow moved even faster and managed to hit a spot inside of him that almost made him drop the phone.

"S-stop…" he whimpered, making sure the phone was connected with the police. Deidara snorted shakily as he continued his movements.

"_Now_ you act like its r-rape, y-yeah? J-Jesus Christ, Sasori, I'm about to b-bomb your shop and you ch_oo_se _now_ to s-start whining like a b-bitch?" he growled as he snapped his hips forward harder. Sasori almost smirked as he clutched the fabric of Deidara's jacket.

The police should be here _any_ second.

But as they waited, Deidara began to slow down, his thrusts becoming deeper and Sasori felt his stomach tighten.

"Now for the _bang_, yeah!" Deidara purred; his voice harsh.

Stars flashed in front of his eyes as release approached him, and obviously Deidara too as the teenager lunged forward with a final thrust, coming inside of the older man.

"_Freeze_!"

Deidara froze on top of Sasori and looked up to see the shop full of armed policemen. A pink-haired woman stood in front, holding her gun up and aiming it directly at Deidara.

"Let go of the gun," she commanded, cocking her pistol. "Remove yourself from Mr. Akasuna, and put your hands in the air,"

Deidara slowly put the gun on the counter and got off Sasori, raising both hands in the air. His pants were still unbuttoned and his cock hung out the denim, but that didn't deter the policemen who came behind the counter and grabbed him, snapping the handcuffs on his arms quickly.

Deidara cackled as he reached inside his back pocket. "Bet you think you've got me, yeah?! Sure you do, but not until I blow this place to ashes!" he patted his pocket frequently and began to panic, and looked behind himself to see the red-haired man holding a small cellular phone mockingly.

"Looking for this, terrorist?" he teased. "While you were busy fucking me over my counter, I took this out of your back pocket and I was positive that your detonator was also among the buttons in the phone. Looks like I was right."

Deidara's eyes widened as he was led out the shop forcefully, his mouth opening but no words coming out.

Sakura let down her gun and sighed. Then she turned towards the red-haired man putting on his pants.

"Sasori, is that you?" the man turned around and gave her a deceivingly crooked smile.

"Is it _really_ so hard for people to believe that?" he replied, brushing over the holes in his wooden arms. Sakura took in a shaky breath and stepped closer. The shop's door slammed opened and Sasori's tall employee skidded inside.

"Mister Sasori, are you _okay_?" Naruto wailed shakily. "I was coming back from lunch and I saw all those police cars and then they led the terrorist out your shop and I was so scared! I'll never do that to you again!"

Sasori smiled gently. He was rather fond of his over-reactive employee. "What did you do, Naruto? You had a well-deserved break, and you had no idea that this was going to happen. Don't blame yourself, okay Naruto?"

Naruto sniffled and grabbed his employer in a strong hug. "Y-yes sir!"

Sasori winced and Sakura noticed.

"Naruto, why don't you go inside my cruiser and grab a folder, then get that folder to the police station?" Sakura asked sweetly. Naruto smiled happily at her and flipped off a fake salute.

"Yes ma'am!"

And he was gone. Sakura cleared her throat and then turned back to the red-haired man leaning on the counter, no sign of trauma anywhere in those brown eyes or that self-confident posture.

"Seriously, I know you can't possibly be okay, Sasori," she said.

Sasori chuckled. "Oh, I more okay than you can possibly imagine. When I got the prosthetic arms, I instilled an admittedly unhealthy amount of anesthetic in my body, so external pain means nothing when I'm basically numb."

Sakura blinked. "So you mean that being raped didn't hurt you in anyway?" she deadpanned. Sasori laughed; his voice cracking.

"I didn't say that. Inside, it hurts like a bitch, but I won't hold that against you,"

Sakura smiled gently. "As long as you're okay, Sasori. But the emergency care unit has already been called, so you _will_ have to get a rape kit, okay?"

"You guys never make it easy on such an old man like me."

The pink-haired police officer snorted. "I don't know what that terrorist did to you, but you look a hell of a lot better than you did an hour ago. I find it hard to believe you're forty-eight,"

Sasori smirked. "That's what he said."

Sakura continued. "In fact, you look rather familiar, like I've seen you somewhere before."

The redhead smiled disarmingly. "Don't dwell on that too much, okay?"

"Sure, whatever you say. And be assured that the terrorist is going to be locked up for a _very_ long time,"

Sasori froze and closed his eyes, smiling cruelly.

"No, he'll be back. I'm sure of it."

**END**

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If it seems like it's rushed, then it probably is and I'm terribly sorry about that. I was just trying to get the lime scene over and done with, so the ending kind of carried on a bit.

Also, I tried to leave as little loose ends as possible. I probably failed on that, but oh well.

This is my first Deidara/Sasori. I'd appreciate feedback on how I did for this.

Thanks and have a fantabulous day!


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